R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
