I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
