Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
