He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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