Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
