Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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