He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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