hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize