ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
