Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
