Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
