I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
