Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
