you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Blood and glitter go together right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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