You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
