he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
