It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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