in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
