Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
