wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize