i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
