i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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