WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
