this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
