...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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