the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
