ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize