Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
