How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize