Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
