Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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