Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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