you guys were way drunker than both of me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
