Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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