Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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