fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
