I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this boner is exhausting
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
