are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
