So drunk its hurt
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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