my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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