chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
