so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
