At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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