Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize