took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
