i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
