thus making me awesome and them whores
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
