just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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