you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
