wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
