you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
