I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
