I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
