1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
