I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
