I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
