Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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