Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
