yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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