What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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