you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
