Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
