She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
