i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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