Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize