Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
