So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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