yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
