hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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