Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
