I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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