apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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