i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
