Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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