don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You left your phone here
Wait...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
