I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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