Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
