Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
