I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
