I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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