im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
