i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
