a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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