I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
