His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
