i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
