I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
