Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
