The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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