My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
