This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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