so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize