you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
