a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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