just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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