I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
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