Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
