If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
birth control should be required to get into college
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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