I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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