i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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