That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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