dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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