It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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