Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize