He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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